How To Say No
Do you find it hard to say “no”? You’re not alone.
In an experiment1 conducted by the University of Waterloo, individuals were asked to do something that went against their morals, such as damaging a library book. Even though they didn’t agree with the task, about half of them ended up doing it anyway.
This interesting study highlights a common challenge many people face: finding it hard to say “no,” even when something feels wrong.
Saying no is often challenging due to our innate drive to cooperate with others. Our genetics, forged from a millennia of evolution, inclines us to prioritize others’ needs—even before our own. The desire for social acceptance and fear of causing disappointment or conflict further urge us to agree, even when it’s against our best interests.
Let’s dive more into the why of how saying “no” can feel like quite the challenge.
We’re Programmed to Play Nice
Humans are social animals2; we’re hardwired to cooperate. Turning someone down? That’s like a glitch in the system, going against our instinct to keep the peace.
Everyone Wants to Be Liked
Admit it—we all crave that warm, fuzzy feeling of being accepted. Whether it’s self-esteem or our childhood experiences being a yes-kid, saying yes is often our golden ticket to fitting in.
Nobody Wants to Be “That” Person
Ever felt like you’ve twisted your own arm into saying yes? You’re not alone. Sometimes we say yes simply because we can’t bear to see that disappointed look in someone’s eyes. We all know rejection stings, and we’d rather dance around a ‘no’ than dish one out.
Standing Up for Ourselves? Easier Said Than Done
We’re taught to follow the rules, be polite, and keep the boat steady. But where’s the line? The difficulty in saying no lies in navigating these deeply embedded social norms without losing our ability to stand up for what we truly believe in.
Here’s why you should say no:
- Saying no frees up time for yourself. Let’s face it: there’s only so much you can cram into 24 hours. Whether you’re hustling toward your next big thing or just need to kick back and relax, constantly saying yes to others doesn’t leave much “me time.”
- Saying no teaches you to step out of your comfort zone. Think of saying no as the equivalent of taking a cold shower or making a toast at a party unprepared. It’s a thrill, it’s uncomfortable, but oh boy, does it build character! Saying no is like flexing a muscle —the more you do it, the stronger you become, and the more you get comfortable being out of your comfort zone.
- Saying no teaches you how to be assertive. Whether you’re at work, school, or just hanging out, being assertive puts you in the driver’s seat. Consider saying no your training wheels for being more assertive.
- Saying no isn’t as bad as you think. Worried about ruffling feathers? Trust me, most of the reasons that make saying no seem scary are all in your head. Most people get it; rejection happens. Heck, it might even earn you a respectful nod, especially if you’ve been the “yes person” for too long.
- Saying no helps you maintain integrity. Saying no allows you to align your actions with your core values. If something doesn’t fit your schedule or clashes with your beliefs, a respectful “no” keeps you true to yourself.
- Saying no can actually strengthen relationships. Sounds weird, right? But honesty truly is the best policy. Constantly saying yes might please people in the short term, but if you’re overcommitting and under-delivering, that’s a fast track to letdown city.


